Lately I have been witnessing again the power of the shared feast. It’s no wonder Jesus uses this metaphor for his kingdom, for his presence among his followers. In our culture we tend to focus on what food does for our health, how it helps us to live longer, have more energy, keep slim, etc… We are also a culture that eats out more than any other, and many families today eat their meals separately. Further, the old fashion potluck meal at the church or the kitchen party among friends is more and more a thing of the past. The last vestige of this kind of community through food is the book club where mostly women gather to discuss a book but using good wine to deepen the bonds.
What still works wonders is the casserole brought to the loved one whose mother or father or husband or wife has died. People often ask me “what is the best thing to do when a friend has experienced a death” and I always tell them to “take food.” Words can be misunderstood, too many people take the opportunity to pontificate in death, use terrible theology “God must have wanted her more than you” or “you mustn’t cry, he is in a better place”. Then there are the more liberal types who seem to be fixated these days on positive energy. No matter the challenge these friends will respond, “you have to be positive” as if not being positive creates the energy for more bad things to happen. No one in pain needs to hear that!
Bringing food, or better inviting the other to your home for food, is a foolproof way to heal, to say we care, to bring people back to community where hurts can be touched and understood. We are social creatures, as Jean Vanier says we become human when we are together throughout our journey, good times and bad. Food is the glue that connects us, tastier when we are one around a large table. And especially meaningful when a new person has been invited and room is made for her/him to become another sister and brother.
I am presiding at a funeral later today for a man his family described as gifted in hospitality. Each one in the room to plan his funeral said this man knew how to make a sandwich, offer chicken and beef soup to whomever came to his home. He cared for two partners through their deaths, one he gave his own pacemaker to keep her alive. And he himself lived longer and better when we was with another. His relationships deepened and expressed more fully in meals.
Lately I have been thinking about my own meals and the need to leave the computer alone at supper time and join my wife and daughter at the dining room table to share our supper. Each of us tend to grab our meal and sit alone with our “devices”. Lately we have been sitting together and talking through the meal and it has felt like a great blessing.
And in sharing these meals together I have been wondering and praying about whom we could invite to our table. There is a fourth chair at our table. There is always enough food for another. Whom could we invite to bring more conversation to the table? Who is missing a community at meal time? All of us know someone we work with or lives nearby who could benefit from such an invitation.
An open table leads to an open heart.