I have been most fortunate in my life to have “choices”, namely places to go, people to see, gatherings to attend. I have never felt that I had to stay anywhere for any length of time, that opportunities to explore are present constantly. I know I am most blessed in this regard. I know so many people who feel constricted to be somewhere, who feel there are few options available to them, who believe they need to “settle” for the present for fear of the future.
Some might say I tend to avoid the hard times by moving on when things get challenging. I have certainly been guilty of this. Having many options has allowed me to move on to Plan B or C or D whenever Plan A was not working out. I have some regret, though I feel even more guilt because I don’t regret those decision nearly as much as I think I should. For whatever reason there has always been a safe landing place for me, somewhere to go when I am feeling a sense of disappointment about where I am.
But I find I do this less as I get older. I feel more “sure of myself” now, less anxious about things not being as good as they could be I am more likely to stick with things. I also know now that things don’t need to be “just so” for me to be happy. There is no perfect place, all places have their strengths and weaknesses, just as I have mine. If people can put up with me why can’t I put up with them?
Still life is short and the opportunity to experience new things in new places remains. The difference is that formerly this impulse was based on a sense of escape and now it is more generated by a sense of possibility. I know there are places to go, people to see, experiences to be had, and thus I weigh that against the deepening of a relationship to place and time and people.
I am surprised more people are not bound up in this tension. I fully expected in my life to meet more people living with this tension, as the Clash used to sing, “Do I stay or do I go?” I used to go and now I stay. This could be an “age thing”, but I am skeptical it is a maturity thing. Given that most people don’t have this impulse there is a tendency for people who prefer to “stay put” to judge people who like to “explore” and make it a maturity issue. I think this tension has less to do with personal growth and more to do with a hard wiring of “stay” and “go”.
My wife prefers to stay to live and go to travel. I prefer to go to live and stay on vacations. She likes to stay in one home for a length of time and travel to exotic places for pleasure. I prefer to work in a variety of exotic places and rest where I am from. I call home the place where I relax, not where I want to live.
I have always been drawn to the way Jesus’ disciples are always on the move, going into a new community, meeting new people, some on the margins, some at the centre. But the followers of Jesus were part of a movement and they saw their mission, in part, as being “on the move”. I look out at the world and I wonder, do I stay or do I go. As the old song goes, “I wonder as I wander…”