Gift giving. I am good at giving, terrible at receiving. It’s not what you might think. Most people who are challenged by receiving imagine they are not worthy of a gift (actually, that is a generation who are almost all gone by now) or more likely, so selective in their tastes the gift does not suit. My issue, at least according to my late mother, is this, I give away (re-gift?) almost everything people give me. My mother would give me birthday and Christmas presents and add “And don’t you dare give this to someone else!” My mother was a most generous soul, if she knew someone needed something, she would go out and buy it (on sale). BUT she did not want me to give others what she had chosen for me.
I tend to think of things as naturally connected to certain personalities. I see an item and think, “that looks like something (name) would like”. Thus, it is rare someone gifts me something that feels like me. On a very few occasions, I have become frustrated, when someone has insisted on buying me a gift, I have told them what I like (and don’t like) and yet…they have bought me what they think I should like, not what I have told them I like. Under those circumstance I will tell you, that gift is immediately regifted, no questions asked, no guilt whatsoever. In two previous churches I served, I knew they wanted to buy me a present, and so I told them a) I don’t care for paintings/photos of church buildings and b) I love local artists. People tell me I am not subtle. Yet…upon leaving, the churches offered me framed painting/photo of their church building. Neither are in my home. Both found a home with former parishioners.
I love to give, and sometimes receive, gifts that are clearly specific to the person. In the iconic Simpsons series, Homer famously gives Marge a bowling ball (because he bowls). People tend to give gifts they assume, believe, others SHOULD want, not what they enjoy. It’s a variation of “others are just like me”. But the world is not made up of people who think/act/feel just like you, and that is a good thing. Diversity is a good thing. Part of listening to others, is learning what makes them happy. I tend to remind people, when they are down and floundering, what they have told me, makes them smile. When we are down, we forget our joy. Knowing what makes the other feel joy, is an essential part of community, of being in relationship, being kin.
Photo taken by Brian Williams