I recall meeting a psychologist at a mental health forum, she was there to discuss small group dynamics. Given that I often facilitate such gatherings, in church and secular society, I was keen to learn new skills. She asked each of us, in her small group, to share why we enjoyed these gatherings. After I had shared my love of hearing different perspectives, on healing, on meaning, on the satisfaction of a daily journey, she told me, “You clear have a curious mindset.” I had a hunch this was one of those slogans that are made into a poster, that goes into every health care location. And I was correct. But what does it mean? (I always prefer to use language that is accessible to a wide range of people.)
A curious mindset, at least in my experience (note I used “my” as a qualifier), is one focused on what others have learned, what might be transferrable to me and those I support. I am not listening for the “magic bullet” that can be offered as a “one size fits all” remedy, rather I am keen to know how one strategy might work for one kind of personality, mindset, unique individual. I make mental notes on how the strategy worked, what are some of the circumstances, beliefs, needs, backstories, that prompted this need, that made this strategy effective. I listen.
I love to hear these stories, experiences, and strategies. I like them when they are framed in a way that makes clear they worked for “some”. What can be frustrating to me is taking this strategy that worked for you, and assuming it works for everyone. My wife, Kim, says one reason I receive so much free advice is this, people confuse my curiosity with a desire to do what the other does. She says because so few people take interest in others, people therefore assume my interest in them means I am eager to adopt their lifestyle, beliefs. I might do that, but it would depend on a lot of factors, like how similar your goals and gifts are to mine.
That’s why I like “I” statements more than “you” statements. I have plenty of opinions, but they are mine, and apply to me. Perhaps you will agree, so I “float” them for responses. But I do not offer my strategy as a magic bullet for your challenges. And to be consistent, I hope others will do likewise. If participants in these gatherings can hold on to this working assumption, that we are sharing what has worked for us, learning from each other, the culture of curiosity is bound to flourish.